The Millionaire Matchmaker: Helping the Self-Helpers

Patty Stanger, assistants, Rachel, matchmaker

This week’s Millionaire Matchmaker featured two millionaires who are in the self-help business. With so much experience helping others under their belts you’d think all they would need is a quick makeover and women would be all over them. Wrong. These were two of the most unstable and delusional guys Patty has chosen in awhile, and neither of them ended up with the gold digger (ahem woman) of their dreams.

In typical Patty style, she ruthlessly critiqued the women at the casting and downright yelled at them for seemingly minor offenses (since when was having curly hair such a crime?). Shockingly, she actually chose a redhead this time (shout out!), a hue that is apparently not only personally offensive to her but repulsive to all mankind. Steve, a hypnotist that charges a disgusting $25,000 per hour, actually ends up choosing the redhead out of the dozens of girls at the mixer, but the date turns out to be a disaster.

Earlier in the show, Steve revealed to Patty that he hadn’t seen his adopted daughter since she was five after a bad breakup. Even worse, he acts as if it it was a kitten rather than a child he left with his “manipulative” ex, prompting Patty to hook him up with a private investigator so he can man up and apologize to his now teenage daughter.

Heavy stuff for Patty, who usually deals in the realm of convincing men not to have sex on the first date! To make things worse, Steve awkwardly blurts out at the mixer that he “no longer” has a daughter, prompting puppy dog stares from the women who assume his child has died. Once the redhead discovers that Steve actually abandoned his daughter, she is convinced he would do the same to her daughter and is out of there.

Garry, a motivational super-star, is not as damaged as Steve but just as awkward. He insists on taking his date to the spa, but instead of letting the professionals do the work, he clips every nail and pops every pimple himself.  He incessantly lists off the dozens of bizarre “must haves” for his future wife, including that she cannot have a career, must be Christian, and ideally has had zero sexual partners (wish i was joking). Needless to say, his date didn’t work out either despite his delusional comments about how great of a time she had. Hopefully next week the millionaires will need a little less help.


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